"God doesn't give us answers. In the silence he gives us himself - bigger than our pain, beyond our explanations, closer than our breath."

When you follow God in wholehearted obedience, and suddenly your entire world falls apart; when your deepest, most urgent prayers are met with silence – can faith survive?

Alain Emerson felt like the luckiest man in the world. The talented pastor of a thriving church and national director of a prayer movement, he had found and married Lindsay, the girl of his dreams,his soulmate. He could never have imagined that in a matter of months he would be nursing his beautiful twenty-three-year-old wife through the final stages of cancer, and would find himself a young widower, distraught and alone.

In this profound new book from Muddy Pearl, Alain retraces his journey through the stages of grief,pain and shock, choosing to lean into the pain, and to face God with his disappointment. He experiences the bewildering silence of God, the absence of simple answers, and life in the dark tunnel of despair. Finding great comfort from the Psalms and the work of writers who truly understand – Wiesel, Brueggemann, Moltmann – Emerson wrestles with God and with his grief.
Through this, he emerges with a stronger and deeper faith, and a sense of having seen God's face –the one who walks beside us, suffers and weeps with us, and who ultimately restores our joy.

A book for those experiencing grief or disappointment with God, this is a deeply honest insight into journeying through pain with God, even when you can't hear his voice or see his plan, written in away that gives full voice to the pain, and to the loving character of God.